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I’m a commentator for a tournament of nightmares. I’m not sure the participants are willing.

You’d think being a psychiatric ward for 38 months would be enough to deter a guy from ever going back to a sport that involves watching human beings at the height of their physical prowess beat the living shit out of each other. Sometimes regulated, sometimes not.
But, here I am, fresh outta the loony bin and reading the most unusual advertising slogan I’d ever laid eyes on;
“The most terrifying tournament has come around once again! Conquer your fears in the NFC*…* literally.”
This was the business card that accompanied my black envelope as it was handed to me on the discharge ward by a well dressed and gangly fella with an uncomfortable wide smile. He didn’t say much of anything, just that his name was “Watson” before bowing and holding up the envelope.
“Heh, like the butler, right?” I said, taking the envelope from his plasticine hands. His smile ripples across his face and he nods slowly, his perfect hair unmoving in the strong wind before he turns on his heel and walks back to the black sedan.
The cold air chilled my bones, and I pulled the medical bracelet from my wrist, grimacing at the marks underneath before following Watson to the Sedan and hauling my luggage into the trunk before setting off, not knowing how I came to even be there in the first place.
I guess right now, that doesn’t really matter.
What matters is where I am now and what I’m doing.
"blood strewn across the canvas, frayed brain matter sailing across my head and splattering against the wall, a woman standing in a pool of blood as the deformed creature twitches on the ground"
My name is Sal “Motormouth” Sabotta, I’m a sports commentator by trade. Be it combat sports, pro wrestling, death-matches or martial arts tournament, I’ve done it all.
I won’t lie; Work can be hard to come by. I’ve spent months struggling for rent and resorting to less tried-and-true commentary methods in order to survive. That has, at times, involved trying my hand at some of the more underground competitions; unregulated fights, sick, illegal games bet on by people on the dark web and worse… Things I’m not going to detail here. Things I’m not proud to have taken a hefty pay-check for from greasy, sweaty fucks in Armani tracksuits and stinking of cheap booze and coke all the way up to well-dressed bitcoin farmers in their 20s who probably own child slaves.
In short, I’m no stranger to the grim underworld or the secrecies with which they conduct their work. I see money and an easy way to make it with my voice; I don’t ask questions.
So when I received an email the day of my discharge from the hospital and I’m told “you’ll receive a letter from Mr. Watson, take it and follow the instructions to the venue. Pay up front as agreed.”, I don’t question it. Especially when the note is personalised, and the doctor says my medical fees were covered.
We drove past numerous landscapes, vistas and neighbourhoods before veering off into an industrial estate and entering an underground tunnel. Half a mile in, Watson stops the car and peers back, smiling.
He directs a thumb to the service door in the side tunnel and rubs his neck, a scar running from ear to ear. Was he a former fighter? Gangster?
I sighed and got out, still in my medical gown and hauling ass to the door. It opened before I could reach out and a tall, muscular woman in her late 30s greeted me with a smile. She was imposing, powerful in her gait, a black eyepatch with several seals adorning the sides accompanying a thick scar down her face did nothing to stop her beauty. She wore a tank top with a black cloak with white fur on the tops and sleeves, a thick black chain clasp around the neck. I won’t lie; she looked badass. Terrifying, but badass.
“‘Bout time ya showed up, Sabotta!” She grinned and put a cinderblock of a hand on my shoulder. I’m 5’10 and 180lbs, but she made me feel like a child in front of her. The power emanating from her fist was unbelievable. “C’mon, the trial match is starting and I don’t want no tourney without a broken in commentator! You gotta know the ropes of this place!”
“You know your driver was standing right outside when I was discharged, right? Couldn’t think to give me an extra day or two to freshen up?” I frowned. This wasn’t normal protocol, even for back-alley promotions like this. She just laughed at me and slapped my shoulder.
“The tournament waits for nobody, Sal. Times a-wasting.”
The hallway is dimly lit and the sounds of a ruckus above us are as impossible to ignore as the sounds of thudding, screaming and snapping. As we pass several doors with one-way mirrors on the front panes, I hear sounds I could have never placed in the animal kingdom or otherwise; gurgles, clicks, grunts and even otherworldly whispers.
“What the fuck is that? You guys doing animal fights down here? I mean I called a monkey fight once, but it’s not exactly… pleasant.” I shuddered, thinking of the violence chimpanzees can inflict on one another, let alone humans. She never stopped walking or staring directly ahead when she responded.“Those ain’t animals. Not by a long shot.”
Before I can probe further, I’m hurried into a changing room and practically swept off my feet by her strength. I turn back and she’s already poking her head out the door.
“You’ve got 5 minutes, get your shit and head up the left stairs, Watson will guide you.” She grinned, and I saw gold filings in her teeth that glinted as much as her bedazzled eye patch. “Ya came highly recommended… I expect good things!”
I do as instructed and within 5 minutes I’m back in my commentary clothes; an open buttoned Hawaiian shirt with my old Hotel Inertia shirt underneath, skinny black jeans and shimmering black shoes. I found some old slick gorilla powder in my hair and dusted it up, opting for the dishevelled look as I knew I’d be sweating by the end of the ordeal.
“You shouldn’t bother putting in so much effort, y’know. They’re not gonna care how good you look, only how well you talk.”
Standing in the doorway was a woman in her 40s, dark-skinned and hair clad in meticulous dreadlocks, tied back into a large bun with a pair draped down the sides of her head. She held a thick book in one hand and pocketed a serrated blade in the other before motioning to me.
“We’ll have to do the pleasantries on the way, the match is starting and you don’t wanna miss that. The commissioner isn’t the type you want to upset. Especially when you’re not here by choice.” I looked for a moment, dumbfounded.
“I’m here because I was invited, already got my pay from the woman who let me in.” I shrugged, pocketing the envelope and getting my equipment from the suitcase. The woman gave a sad smile and shook her head.
“Of course you’d think that. She likes it that way. Bet she didn’t introduce herself either, did she? C’mon.”
I follow her down and after a few minutes we come to a fork in the hallway, an elevator system to our right and a stairway to the left. Dutifully, Watson stood patiently, still grinning and motioning us to go up.
Once we’re situated in our booth upstairs, I set my equipment up and look down at the table, expecting a slew of papers and fighter information in front of me. I look to the woman to ask, but she doesn’t break her stare in the darkness, looking down at the arena floor some 100ft below us.“You won’t need that. Not for this match.”
The lights flicker on and the enormity of this venue reveals itself to me. It’s a structure of imposing steel, dried blood, claw marks and other unknown substances that littered the 40ft wide circular pit the fighters contested in, a black lift on either side from the fighters corners that I can only assume ascended up from their locker room area. Around them were chain-link fences that rose up to the audience stands above, situating around 300 people across all four sides. At the very top sat our booth, the commissioner’s office directly opposite, the judges booth to our right and the fight analysts/medical area to our left. Standing in the centre with a spotlight over them was the commissioner, microphone in hand and an energy that was almost palpable.
“Ladies, Gentlemen and Freaks of all kinds out there in the universe. I welcome you once more to the annual Nightmare Fighting Championship Tournament! It’s been a long year, but we have new blood to pit against our resident night terrors and some fresh fears to feast on the fortuitous soul that frolics into their den. As always, our contestants will be fighting for their freedom, a chance to get their wish or to fight for the ultimate prize.” The crowd cheers and the majority are hidden behind thick plexiglass and lighting, but I can see some have Karate Gi’s, weapons in hand and others with demon masks as they whoop and holler. The clientele here were, at least in my estimation, experienced. But I was feeling a lump in my throat at that one phrase The Commissioner so surreptitiously added in without issue;
“As always, our contestants will be fighting for their freedom*”*
I leaned to the woman next to me and as if she knew what I was going to ask; she put a finger up and shook her head. Eyes awash with fear and a grimness I had only seen on that of trainers who knew their fighter was not ready for the bout ahead. She pointed the finger down to my machine, then to the pit. Turning it on, I looked down as the commissioner began to talk, readying myself to commentate on whatever weirdos came up to battle.
“But before we get to that, we have an exciting exhibition match for our loyal supporters who bankroll this event every year. Without you elite few, we could not do this. You are the pound for pound goats of support! Now, without further ado; let’s get this show on the road!”The rest of the lights clicked on and spun around the venue as they raised the profile of the bout, the elevators both whirring into action as the right one arose first.
“In this corner, from the marionettes shop and accompanied by his Bunraku doll “Mr. Stares”, it’s the man who pulls the strings… THE PUPPET MAN!”
Out steps a tall, thin Japanese man in full clown makeup. His head shaven save for two ridiculous strands of hair stretched out and fluffed up to their limits, like red antennae. His eyebrows large m’s that practically cover his forehead, the nose a completely vacant slot with a black hole drawn in and the mouth… the fucking mouth was nailed shut. Literally. Sharp rusted nails had been hammered down through the lips with such force that they’d bent. A sickening crimson red face-paint stretched across the entire bottom half of his face, making it seem far larger by comparison. He carefully held a small bundle underneath a sheet and bowed deeply to the audience before standing at his designated spot.
“In the other corner, from the streets of god knows where and the womb of someone who misses him… "Hulked Up" Michael O’Donnell!”
I watched with wide eyes and a stomach threatening to evacuate its contents at any moment as the smoke cleared and a boy no older than 17 rushed out, beating his chest and screaming to the crowd as if he was the Incredible Hulk. I don’t know if they drugged the poor kid, but he clearly had no idea where he was.
“There are no rules, no referees and judges only exist in case of a draw or unclear victory. Our commentary team will take over and we wish you a phenomenal match.” She drools a little before she speaks again, looking up at me and winking. “Let’s make this a violent one.”
She snaps her fingers and leaps for the fence, climbing up with ungodly ease before sitting on her makeshift chair in her office.
I have no idea what I’m seeing but every cell in my body is urging me to run; I feel my knees tense and my frame rise ever so slightly before the woman next to me puts her hand on my thigh, pushing me down with great force.
“You have a job to do, so do I. Trust me, you think you can leave but if you get out of this chair, not only will YOUR life end. Mine will too.” She unsheathes the serrated blade and looks at me with pity. “We both have a part to play here, so put the headset on and let’s do our job, no matter how hard it is.”
Hands shaking, I pick up the headset and connect it to the portable recorder and take a breath.
“I… I need your name. What is it you do?” I stutter, trying to calm myself. She hands me a bottle of water as the surrounding lights dim and the spotlight focuses on the spectacle below.
“I’m Madame Nelle Lockwood, cryptid hunter and your co-host to guide you through tonight. Good to meet you, Sal.”
-
NFC EXHIBITION MATCH: "Hulked Up" Michael O’Donnell vs The Puppet Man w/ Mr. Stares
“Welcome fight fans from around the world, god knows how you’re listening to this or WHY, but here we are. I’m your host Sal “MotorMouth” Sabotta, wishing this was all a bad dream. Joining me this evening is our cryptid specialist and all round badass Madame Nelle Lockwood. How are you doing, Nelle?”
She looks at me with a bewildered look on her face before blinking and coming to her senses.
“Uhh… good! All things considered… boy, you really have a professional knack for this, huh? I can see why Commissioner Alduin brought you in."
“Ahh, yes. That’s right, folks! NFC Commissioner Alduin invited me here personally and our exhibition match proves to be… challenging. Let’s check in on the action below.”
I look down and see The Puppet Man sat down and gesturing to the figure under the sheet, like he’s got a negotiation going on. The boy, undeterred and furious, rushes towards him and takes his back, slapping his head and even pulling on his hair with extreme prejudice.
“Well take a gander at that, that kid has absolutely NO fear. When I was his age, I would have stayed FAR the fuck away from a nightmare spectre like that. But hell, this is all part of the show, right? Hope they’re paying that poor guy down there a sizeable sum to throw a fight to a child. What do you think, Nelle; is this the weirdest make-a-wish fulfilment task or what?”
I look over to her, hoping she’d indulge me and that I could believe this was just going to end with a pissed off actor storming away when the child hit him too hard. But Nelle was scanning her now open book and looking for information on dolls.
“He’s talking to his doll because it’s desperate to be let loose. He’s trying to bargain with it to spare him. This is the nature of the puppeteer and his master.” She pushes the book to the centre of the table and shows me a faded illustration of a pristine Bunraku doll; a kind of meticulously crafted Japanese take on the ventriloquist doll. The limbs are thinner and the face is more minimalist, but still no more frightening. “They usually have a symbiotic relationship, but it seems this one obeys the doll and will not want to face more punishment.”
“What do you mean more punishment?” I ask, looking back down at the feverish puppet man as he tries signing frantically under the sheet, even putting his head under as the kid bites his arm and kicks him, screeching.
“The nails, Sal. Those aren’t to silence him, they’re to punish him.”
The rest happened in slow motion; the sheet fell down. The puppet man stood up and walked to his side of the fighters corner, facing the elevator and placing his face into his forearms as he shook. The boy followed to keep attacking, but with one swift kick to the midsection, the boy was propelled back to the centre of the pit where the doll sat.
If there was a human face, I didn’t see it. Instead, I was staring down at a small wood carved spider, the head sporting black geisha hair and the makeup still present, but rows of sharpened black teeth protruded from the clicking mouth and two larger eyes jutted out from the base of the skull, smaller ones dotted closely around it. It was like seeing a puppet ogre spider.
“Looks like The Puppet Man has let Mr. Stares out to say hi and I can certainly see why he was under that sheet, this one isn’t pretty folks! The face doth fit the name. The question is, what’s he doing to do ne-
“I didn’t need to finish the question. My hands shook, and the world spun around me as this creature crawled towards the still wheezing boy with ungodly speed and perched itself expertly beside him. I don’t know if it was my eyes or the distance from where I sat, but this was NOT a small puppet. He was easily half of the boy’s height and that became more unnerving when he reared up on his back legs, the head clicking up and the raspy voice hissing out like a gas leak in a building.
“Hey, hey, kid! Wanna make a deal?” The kid rubbed his eyes, seemingly realising where he was as he calmed down and an air of utter confusion around him.
“If you let me be your new master and you promise to take care of me, I’ll let you go!” His head spun around and the jaw clicked ferociously as he giggled, extending out a clawed paw. “Whaddya say?”
The boy, still confused, slowly reached out his hand and the moment immediately reminded me of a slew of nature shows I’d seen as a kid; where a predator waits until the prey is lulled before striking. I felt the chill up my spine as he extended his hand and grabbed Mr. Stares.
In that moment, he leapt up the arm and bore his way into the boy’s mouth, down his throat and shredded his flesh. The sound was so horrifying, so visceral that it outshines any backyard stabbing, joint snap or broken nose. The boy didn’t even have time to scream, he simply looked up with tear-stained eyes as the puppet disappeared.
Then he started walking without him realising. He looked down at his limbs, terrified, looked over at The Puppet Master, who still had his head to the elevator and pleaded with someone, anyone to help him. I looked to Nelle who refused to take her eyes away, studying the battle in an almost morbid scientific curiosity, detached entirely from the scenario.
I couldn’t fathom how she did it, how she ignored this boy begging us to get him out of there.
I wanted to. Every instinct in me as a fight fan and a decent human was to scream “STOP THE FIGHT!”.
But clearly, when my own life is at risk and money is involved...
I am not a decent human.
Instead, with bile in my throat and a sweating forehead, I did my job.
“M-My goodness! The P-uppet, I mean, “Mr. Stares” has BECAME the puppet master, surely the fight will be over with our young competitor incapacitated? What does our commissioner have to say about this?”
She stared at me, her one eye gleaming and her face elated with the violence.
“It ain’t over yet, church boy. We haven’t even seen the finale, have we Puppet Master?!” She laughs and slaps her knee, the puppet master sobbing as he sinks to the floor and she continues.
“He ain’t done feeding, not yet.”
The way she said that word “feeding” nearly made me lose what food I had in me. That was a young man, somebody's baby boy…
“What does she mean by that, Nelle? What is the strategy to victory here?”
Nelle looked down at her book and traced her finger across a passage before wiping her forehead and pushing the locks aside. If her composure wasn’t breaking yet, it would do soon.
“This kind of parasitic doll feasts on its prey and targets non-essential organs first, controls the host with the neurotoxin in its tail and then, when it’s finally content, it gives the brain a second injection.”
“What happens then?” I asked, my own professionalism hanging on by a fucking thread at this point. She shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose.“I guess you’ll see in a moment, I sure as hell don’t want to. Not again.”
Before I can prompt her further, the boy lets out an ear-piercing shriek and falls to his knees, gripping at his head before it turned red, then purple and finally an ugly shade of puce before…
The sound of a watermelon hitting the ground from a great height is the best comparison you’re going to get without making me want to rush to the toilet to puke for a third time. But that’s what happened. His head burst and chunks of his skull, flesh and brain matter sprayed the pit and the walls, some hitting my desk and making me audibly shriek, much to the commissioner's delight.
“HA! You didn’t run! I like you, Sal. You pass for the tournament!” She hauls her body up and slams down to the pit, applauding as the microphone descends from the heavens. “And your winner; The Puppet Man and Mr. Stares!”
The crowd erupts with applause as the weeping puppet man pulls the blood-soaked puppet out, places him under the sheet and silently begins to walk back to the elevator while attendees clear up the boy’s corpse.
“What… what the fuck IS this place?” I ask Nelle, pausing my recording.
“This is where nightmares are kept and set upon mostly unwilling competitors for the world’s amusement. You HAVE done dark web fights before, right? Mafia snitches being put into lions pits, bum fights, addicts fighting women to score… this can’t be THAT unusual to you?”
I stared at her incredulously. Was that even a question?
“I did the dark web ONCE and it damn sure didn’t involve monsters!”
She scoffs and closes her book, stretching before looking at me with contempt.
“Oh, it did. Just not the ones you hear about in fairytales. Good luck with the selection process. I’ll be back for the opening round. Don’t try to run, they’ll devour us both in minutes, if you think this is the pinnacle of what lurks beneath this club, you're in for a rough night.” She sauntered off, leaving me deflated, sickened and terrified. Unable to leave and frustrated to the point of tears that I couldn’t express that concoction of emotions, I did what I always do; I regressed and pressed “record” on the device as Commissioner Alduin continued.
At that moment, however, I was deaf to it all. The gravity of the situation had fully enveloped me…
They weren’t kidding about the unwilling participants, I just didn’t realise I would be one of them.On every side of me sits men and women with a desire for violence that goes beyond the norm, beyond the sane and beyond the boundaries of humanity.Below me are an untold number of creatures rattling their cages and howling for blood.
Across from me is a woman so powerful she could crush my skull beneath her boot with the utmost ease if it so amused her.
That invitation was nothing more than my own ransom note in pretty colours and flattering platitudes.
I was in a tournament housing nightmares incarnate.
And it would only get more violent from here on out.
-
The opening round was a blood bath.
submitted by tjaylea to nosleep [link] [comments]

Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update September 28, 2020

Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update September 28, 2020
Notes by mr_tyler_durden and Daily Update Team
Register for your Absentee Ballot here!
Watch here:
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Full Notes
(continued in stickied comment)
submitted by mr_tyler_durden to Coronavirus_KY [link] [comments]

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In praise of Bet365 and other thoughts. “How did they do?” A review of the major UK bookies re: Coronavirus and suspended NBA futures

Hi folks, long time lurker here, zero time poster. On this rare occasion, I feel as though I actually have something to say. Who am I and why should you care? well, i'm nobody but over the past 7 years I have held bets with every single major bookie that services the UK. All sportsbooks here are regulated so in general you should never have an issue if you are following the rules.
 
However, owing to the coronavirus in March of this year and suspension of every major sports league in the world, it quickly became apparent to me in communications with them that none were adequately prepared to deal with a situation quite like this. I was curious then to see how each would step up (or not) to the plate given that the majority of their T&C’s were fairly lacking RE: a global pandemic. How much can you really trust the books to do right by you and your money when it’s nut-crunching time. Let's find out!
 
I had just over £61k of open NBA division futures across 8 of the major UK bookies when the season was suspended. By day I’m a Chartered accountant (CPA for you folks across the pond) and ex-Big 4 auditor so you better believe I kept a paper trail of every correspondence and read the T&C’s of every site back to front. Now that everything has been settled, I’d like to a take a minute j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶s̶i̶t̶ ̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ to write about my experience with each book. Maybe it'll be useful to some of you.
 
These are the 8 sites in question: Bet365, Paddypower, Betfair, Unibet, 888, Betway, Skybet, William Hill (Notable omissions Ladbrokes/Coral and Betstars)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
So overall? fairly positive to be honest. You can trust them all to do the right thing... eventually. The main element that was lacking during the down time was communication. I feel as though almost all of them were caught flat footed- didn't what to do, what to say and how to say it to their players when things first went zerodarkthirty, though even that I can sort-of overlook given the unprecedented situation. There is no doubt though, if your market is available on Bet365 and you aren't limited there's little reason to go elsewhere. This has been my TedTalk. Thanks for attending.
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I Can Make You Hot!: The Supermodel Diet (by Kelly Killoren Bensimon) -- Part One

NOTE: Although I was originally planning on posting this whole review at once, I was about a third of the way through the book when I realized that I was already quickly approaching the full length of my previous posts. So, in the interest of making this a pleasant experience for us all, I'm sharing the first half now, and will follow up with the second half in a few days. And honestly, KKB's writing reminds me of Inception in that it's almost certainly hazardous to spend too much time immersed in any single sitting. So fasten your seatbelts, and enjoy the ride!
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So, a lot of you guys have been asking about Kelly Killoren Bensimon's I Can Make You Hot! (wow, is this what it feels like to be an influencer?), and I am thrilled to report that my adventure through this book's 264 pages was even more confounding than I could have possibly anticipated. I have a feeling that I'll need every ounce of my strength if I want to have any shot at conveying to you all exactly how bonkers this purported self-help book is, so -- without further ado -- let's begin.
I Can Make You Hot!, subtitled The Supermodel Diet, has a fairly straightforward premise. Kelly, who "has done it all when it comes to nutrition and her body," will share her hard-earned wisdom with us, her humble readers. Or, as she says in her own words on the back cover:
In I Can Make You Hot! I'm going to clue you in to all the tricks I've learned from a variety of experts and that I now use to live my own life. I want you to be the best you -- happy, attractive, shapely, interested, interesting, and most of all, smokin' HOT!
The blurb promises that the experience of reading this book will be "like rooming with a supermodel and going on a diet together." Truly, only someone with Kelly Bensimon's tenuous grasp on reality would say this as if it were something exciting, rather than a scenario taken directly out of the third circle of hell.
But before we can truly learn what it means to be HOT!, we're treated to a foreword by none other than Russell Simmons. As he shares with us:
Kelly is a great mother and is constantly instilling strong principals [sic] in her daughters. In my opinion, that's the essence of being HOT. Kelly is smokin'.
And just like that, I Can Make You Hot! is knocked out of the running for First-Book-I've-Read-By-A-Bravolebrity-That-Is-Also-Free-From-Glaring-Typographical-Errors. Better luck next time, champ!
In case you were at all hesitant about Kelly's suitability for the job of helping the less fortunate among us reach their maximum potential, Russell clarifies:
Her beauty truly comes from within, and her clear internal compass and well-balanced lifestyle is what makes her an arbiter for what's hot. She has always had her own individual road map and is one of those people who beats to their own drum. Many are amazed by her leaps of faith and courage, which are products of her sustainable soul. And back to that energy! I used to think: If we could only package it. And now Kelly has!
I would kill to be a fly on the wall during a conversation between Russell Simmons and Kelly Bensimon. But all of these endorsements are making me impatient to dig into Kelly's advice, so I skim over the next few pages and arrive at the introduction: "What's HOT and What's Not." Almost immediately, Kelly reassures us that she was not always the gorgeous, talented socialite she is today -- "No. Let's just say that I was never one of those tiny, cute blonde girls who guys named their hamsters after." Excuse you what? I literally just walked away from my laptop to go talk to my boyfriend and make sure I'm not just ignorant of some otherwise well-known traditional male courtship ritual in which young men adopt rodents and christen them after the women they love. That doesn't seem to be the case, although please reach out if you can shed any additional light on this situation.
Reasonably enough, before we can learn how to be hot, we have to know what hot is. Fortunately, Kelly wastes no time in getting us up to speed:
When I was trying to come up with a title for this book, I kept asking myself how I would define what I love. "HOT" is the word that best describes what I love, and it's not a word I throw around lightly. "HOT" is attractive, unique, and first-rate -- never mediocre. Avril Lavigne made a video called "HOT." There are "HOT" issues of all my favorite magazines. Hotmail.com was given that name to indicate that it was the best e-mail service, and www.urbandictionary.com, whose definitions are created by their readers, defines "hot" as (among other things) attractive, the best, and someone who makes you wish you had a pause button when they walk by because you don't want that moment to end. (I want you to feel like that "someone.") Health, wellness, and fitness are always hot topics. "HOT" may be a buzzword but it's also how I describe the best there is and the best you can be. I've used the words "smokin' hot" for everything from a killer chicken wing red sauce to a coveted couture gown.
There is…a lot to unpack here. My leading hypothesis is that Kelly must have accidentally exposed her internal circuitry to water and started shorting out while writing this passage, causing her to string together a rambling parade of incoherent sentences with no relationship to one another, save a tangential association with the amorphous concept of hotness. Also, it's factually inaccurate. A cursory Google search reveals that Hotmail.com was not "given that name to indicate that it was the best e-mail service." Rather, the service's name was selected as a reference to the use of HTML to create webpages, as is more apparent from the original stylization, HoTMaiL. I know from her savvy allusion to "www.urbandictionary.com" that Kelly is capable of navigating the Internet, so I'm disappointed that she's made such a careless oversight within the first three pages of the book proper.
Kelly next takes us through a few scenes from her past to illustrate how she has come to understand the true meaning of "HOT." Here are just a few of the assorted pearls of wisdom that Kelly is gracious enough to share with us:
Is skinny hot? Naturally skinny is hot. Starving yourself in order to change your natural body type in order to get skinny is not hot.

For me, the ultimate HOT girl is the nineteenth-century Gibson girl.

…Bethany Hamilton, the young surfer who lost an arm in a shark attack and didn’t let it stop her from pursuing a sport she loves. She's smokin' HOT.

pregnancy is smokin' HOT
I'm distracted from my diligent note-taking by a line that truly makes me laugh out loud.
I don't want to pretend that I'm "just like you." To do that would be disingenuous, and you wouldn't believe me anyway. But I may be more like you than you think. My hair may be ready for Victoria's Secret, but my values are still Midwestern.
I appreciate the honesty! As I continue reading, I am pleased to learn that I am, in fact, already consuming this piece of literature in the appropriate way. As Kelly says:
I urge you to make notes as you go along, either in the book itself or, if writing in a book is anathema to you, in a little notebook to use as your own personal guide. Jotting down ideas as they pop into your head is the best way to process them and be sure that they don't leave again before you've had a chance to commit them to long-term memory. Then, if you've made a mistake, when you go back and see it there on paper, you'll remind yourself not to do it again. Or, as I like to say, you'll avoid getting bitten by the same food dog twice!
Bitten…by the same….food...dog? Never change, KKB. (As an aside, what's the oveunder on Kelly having even the slightest idea what the word 'anathema' means?) If I'm being totally honest, this book is making me feel a little superfluous. What more can I add when the source material is so impenetrable to begin with? How does one parse the unparseable? Newly humbled, I suppose I'll have to be content with just gaping in confusion alongside the rest of you. And now that I think about it, what better book to build me up from these insecurities and encourage me to be my best? In the words of Kelly herself:
After all, why wouldn't you want to be HOT? What's the alternative? Being "not so hot"?
The book is organized into seven chapters, one for each day of the week, focusing on seven distinct facets of hotness. We start our journey on "Monday: Make a List -- Plan and Prepare!" and are immediately blessed with another one of Kelly's philosophical ramblings:
To me, living well is the only option. What, after all, is the only alternative? Living badly? Who aspires to live badly? I want you to live well, and that's going to take some planning.
Eager to improve myself, I read on:
What are your goals for yourself? If you're going to make changes in your life, you need to have a plan, you need to prepare, and you need to take the time to get it right -- so that you don't wind up wasting your time. This is my plan, and from now on it's going to be yours. Monday is going to be the day you make a HOT plan and prepare for the rest of your week. Let's get started together!
I can't help but feel like this is one of those answers that beauty pageant contestants give when they don't actually know how to respond to a question. Or like a motivational speech written by a rudimentary AI. I can't quite articulate exactly what it is that makes Kelly's writing seem so utterly devoid of logical coherence, but it truly falls into the literary equivalent of the Uncanny Valley.
Reminding us that "this isn't just about budgeting your food; it's about budgeting your life," Kelly peppers us with even more helpful tips -- "You don't want to be that person who is snacking while you're shopping. That's not hot -- period." and shares a stream-of-consciousness-style list of "Staples I keep in my house." Which may possibly be some kind of freeform postmodern poetry. Judge for yourself.
Kelly advises the reader to "get out your calendar or PDA" to get a sense of your schedule. "Then use your PDA to find the closest well-stocked market and go there. Making life easy for yourself is what it's all about." Now is as good a time as any to clarify that this book was published in 2012. I'd be lying if I said reading so many consecutive Housewives memoirs hasn't made my grasp on sanity a bit shaky, but I am fairly positive that 2012 was not a banner year for the Personal Digital Assistant.
Kelly has taken the time to pluck out a few particularly incisive pearls of wisdom throughout the book to highlight as "Kelly's Cardinal Rules." I would love to help clarify exactly what this one means, but I'm afraid I'm utterly clueless. One thing I do know for certain, however, as the chapter comes to a close, is that "human contact is HOT; texting is not!"
The week continues with "Tuesday: A Little Ohm and a Little Oh Yeah! -- It's All About Balance." It is imperative that you work out, says Kelly, adding, "I've never met a smokin' hot couch potato and I bet you haven't either." Her personal exercise routine, as she shares, combines aerobics and yoga "because life is all about balance." As she quips, "I'm sure even Gandhi cracked a smile from time to time." A panel titled "HOT Tip" admonishes the reader: "Don't call it working out because exercise shouldn't be work!"
If you'd like to spend a morning in the style of Kelly Bensimon, it's as easy as eating "a couple of oranges" and drinking coffee -- "I love coffee; I would probably marry coffee if it proposed." She also lets us in on some of her secret, highly advanced workout routines designed to maximize your time in the gym and propel you towards your full potential. Such as the "Happy Twenty," in which you run for 18 minutes and then do 2 minutes of squats.
We get further instruction on the hottest ways to run on the following page, where a two-page spread advertises "a few of my HOT tips for having a fun run." To ensure that you're able to start your journey to HOT as quickly as possible, I've taken the liberty of transcribing one of her most valuable nuggets below:
Run in the street instead of on the sidewalk. I took a lot of flack for this when they filmed me on Season 2 of the Real Housewives of New York City. The thing is, I think that people walking down the street while texting are a lot more dangerous than a car. Drivers will go out of their way to avoid you (accidents are too much paperwork, and they really mess up a day), but strolling texters will walk right into you without even seeing you. You could also get smacked by a shopping bag, a stroller, or even an oversized purse. Sidewalks are really obstacle courses. Beware!
Kelly shares some standout tracks from her workout playlist ("It's much more fun exercising to music!"), including the perennial pump-up-the-jam classic, "Skinny Love" by Bon Iver. With no regard for thematic continuity or overarching structure, the next page is dominated by the header "Get Leggier Legs."
An April 10, 2009, article about me in Harper's Bazaar captioned one of the photos "She's got legs." I was born blessed with long lean legs, but I work very hard to keep them looking the way they do. I'm tall, but I could just as easily have long, large legs. And long and large is not hot. Unfortunately I can't give you my legs. But I can help you to be the best you can be.
Truly inspirational. I think.
We continue on with Kelly's advice for "how to avoid the 'freshman fifteen," accompanied by a list of what she refers to as "Kelly rules." These run the gamut from near-sinister
Get rid of any negative thoughts. Negative-town isn't Fun-town.
to nonsensical
For every cheeseburger and fries, you owe me 12 cartwheels on the quad with your friends.
to bizarrely specific and also racially insensitive.
If you starve yourself for a day because you want to lose weight for Homecoming, you owe me 5 minutes of sitting Indian style in a corner and meditating on why you thought that was a good option.
Upon further reflection, I think I would actually be extremely motivated to stick to a diet if the alternative was being reprimanded by Kelly and forced to think about my poor life choices.
As a scientist myself, I was ecstatic to see that Kelly has drawn from a diverse array of scientific disciplines to develop her HOT tips and tricks. Physics, for example:
From Isaac Newton's First Law of Motion
A body in motion stays in motion. The velocity of a body remains constant unless the body is acted upon by an external force. So if you want to step up your exercise routine, try running in sand instead of on the pavement, or bike through gravel. That way your body will have to work harder in order to stay in motion.
Even biology has something to teach us about how to be HOT:
You are a living organism; life is an organic process. You need to be up and active, ready to enjoy the process. Be open and available and ready to do fun stuff. Participating in what you love is HOT.
I'm truly impressed by Kelly Bensimon's unparalleled ability to reframe the most basic common sense as divinely inspired wisdom. We see this in lines like
If you're feeling a bit frazzled and you need to calm down, you might want to take a yoga class.
or, as we read in another "HOT Tip" panel
Don't be afraid to drink water while working out.
I refuse to believe that this is a problem any person has ever faced. Even Aviva Drescher is not afraid of drinking water while working out (although, for the record, she is afraid of aluminum foil). Kelly closes out this chapter by encouraging the reader to "do one thing every day that takes you out of your comfort zone." If you find yourself lacking inspiration, she provides helpful suggestions, such as "try a fruit you've never eaten" and "try tap dancing." As she asserts, "there's nothing more foolish than sitting on your butt when you could be moving your body and having fun."
I turn the page, and the clock rolls over to Wednesday -- "Diet = 'DIE with a T.'" Cute. I bet Kelly would find that Tumblr post that's like "she believed" to be unbearably clever. She wastes no time in letting us know:
I don't believe in diets; diets are for people who want to get skinny. I want you to be happy. If you feel good about yourself, you'll make good choices. If you starve yourself to be skinny, you'll be undermining your sense of self-worth and you'll be unhappy every day. Eating well -- a variety of high-quality, fresh, unprocessed foods -- is for people who want to be happy -- and if you're not happy you won't be hot! Happy is always better than skinny.
This is starting to feel like some sort of word problem from Algebra II. If happy is better than skinny, but hot is equal to happy, diet = die + t??? Kelly tells us that all women fall into two categories: overachievers and underachievers. Being an overachiever is good, and being an underachiever is bad. Here are some things you can do to become an overachiever:
Make good choices.

When in doubt, have fun.

Keep smiling.
Kelly's motivational-phrasebook app apparently starts to glitch out right about here, but she continues on:
Stay positive and move forward. This is your last try at today. Yesterday may not have been great, but, today is better -- you just need to see it that way. The choice is up to you.
The idea of someone being in such a dark psychological place that they are able to find inspiration in those words is so deeply sad to me that I can hardly bear to consider it. Thankfully, Kelly has already taken a hard left turn into what I think is some sort of extended metaphor:
I've already said that you need to treat your body like a Ferrari, but maybe you prefer a Maserati, an Aston Martin, a Corvette, or even a Bentley. Whatever your luxury car of choice, if you treat it well, it will increase in value; if you treat it like a bargain rental car, it's just going to wear out -- and being worn out is not hot!
Ah, yes, I'd momentarily forgotten that cars almost always increase in value after they're purchased, and don't have a culturally ubiquitous reputation for losing most of their resale value immediately. Solid analogy. Apropos of nothing, we get a "HOT Tip" list of "model diet secrets that DON'T work." I'm extremely glad that Kelly encouraged us to take notes while reading -- I'd be devastated if any of these pointers had escaped my attention.
Eating Kleenex to make yourself feel full does not work.

The Graham cracker diet does not work.

Drugs do not work.
Well, I suppose this clears up some Scary Island confusion. Had Kelly indeed been doing meth (as the reported cat-pee smell might suggest), she would be fully aware that many drugs are, in fact, extremely effective ways to lose weight. But lest you start to lose faith in the expertise of our fearless leader, read on: "when it comes to food choices, I've probably made every mistake in the book." By which she means that she ate Chinese chicken soup before giving birth to her first daughter and it made her sick, so she ate a turkey sandwich before giving birth to her second daughter and she didn’t get sick. To be perfectly honest, I'm struggling to find a way to apply this wisdom to my own life, but I'm sure it will become clear in no time!
Kelly is relatable for the first time so far in the following passage:
When I was accused of being a "bitch" on national television, I was really upset. My response was to find comfort in Mexican food and margaritas for lunch and dinner three days straight.
But we promptly return to form on the next page as she recounts her daily diet of "2 green juices," "a KKBfit lunch," and "a KKBfit dinner." I'd like to take a moment to appreciate how generous it is of Kelly to share her wisdom -- earned through a lifetime of catastrophic missteps -- so freely. It certainly didn’t come without a cost, as the following anecdote illustrates:
On the last day of my juice fast, I took my older daughter to a Yankees game where we gorged on sushi. (Yes, they have sushi at Yankee Stadium) As a result, I was stuffed and blinded by carbs when A-Rod came up to bat and hit a home run. Was I able to savor that A-Rod moment with my daughter? Absolutely not. I was in a food coma. Will I ever let myself be thrown into a food frenzy again? No! Lesson learned: I made another stupid food choice, and because of that choice I missed that home run moment with my daughter. From now on, when I go to a Yankees game I'll have a small hot dog instead….I want you to do the same.
Verily! Heed her words of wisdom, lest ye not also lose the precious chance for thine own A-Rod moment.
But don’t think this caution means that you have to get caught up in the minutia of your day-to-day. On the contrary, appropriate planning means "you can stop obsessing about your carrot intake and concentrate on what it is that's going to make you a great person in life." To help illustrate this point, Kelly introduces us to the "Kelly pie." Otherwise known as a pie chart. This is a helpful way to really visualize how much time you'll have now that you can cut that pesky carrot-pondering out of your day! Kelly even offers some thoughtful "hints" to divide your pie:
  1. Celebrate your own health. We take health for granted.
  2. Get up in the morning and say, "I'm so grateful to be where I am and look the way I do," no matter what your size is.
  3. Tell yourself you look HOT, because you do.
  4. Believe in your ability to make good choices today and every day.
  5. Be mindful of what you eat. If I have to be mindful of what I eat, so do you. We're in this together.
Ooh, sorry Brad, I won't be able to make it to this afternoon's meeting -- it actually conflicts with my daily session of believing in my ability to make good choices today and every day. No, I understand how that could seem like an abstract sentiment rather than something that actually takes up time within your daily schedule, but if Kelly has to do it, so do I! And to be honest, my day is packed enough as it is -- it takes at least a second or two for me to tell myself I look HOT (because I do!), and I'm just worried that if I try to squeeze anything else in, it will cut into my mid-morning health celebration. Wish I could help!
In a strangely threatening aside, Kelly commands: "Write down what you ate for the last two days. Don't lie. We can start fresh tomorrow, one bite at a time."
In a section titled, "What I Eat Every Day," Kelly enumerates her "three go-to breakfasts": "two oranges or a plate of mixed berries if I'm not going to be very active, all-bran cereal or some other high-fiber cereal with almond milk or unsweetened coconut milk if I'm going on a long run, riding, or doing something else that requires extra energy, and on weekends, I love making pancakes to eat with my girls." As should be apparent, this is far more than three breakfasts. I am irrationally angry, in the same way I was when a Bachelor contestant said their favorite food was a charcuterie platter. That's cheating. (And yes, I do strongly identify with my Virgo moon, thanks for asking.)
Kelly inexplicably (apologies if I've used that word for the zillionth time already) tells us that "a plastic cup that says 'Forced Family Fun' from www.themonogramshops.com makes the smoothie go down with a giggle." Also, "sitting alone in front of the TV eating ice cream is not hot!" We are then introduced to one of Kelly's more advanced strategies, which she calls "Energy Economics." This means that you might need to eat more on days when you are busy and/or exercising, and less on days when you're relaxing. So many innovative ideas, this book has really packed a punch for its < $5 price tag!
Another ingenious idea? "Stuff cabbage, sweet peppers, tomatoes, or even onions with ground meat, chicken or turkey seasoned with salt and pepper. Bake until the meat is cooked through and the vegetable is softened." Granted, I have been a pescatarian for almost a decade at this point. But disemboweling an onion, jamming it full of hamburger meat, and cooking it for some indeterminate amount of time at an unspecified temperature seems…wrong.
Circling back to her theory of Energy Economics, Kelly explains,
If I don't eat [well], I'm violating my own laws of energy economics and my body goes either into inflation mode (too much energy when I don't need it) or recession mode (not enough energy in the bank for me to draw from). The key is to create economic equilibrium: eating well so that I feel good, which allows me to be happy.
I am begging someone to start a GoFundMe where we raise money to pay Kelly to explain how the economy works. The next page introduces us to "The KKB 3-Day Supermodel Diet," which is less of a diet and more a random assortment of miscellaneous health-related sentiments that reek of the 2009 pro-ana tumblrsphere:
Chew your food 8 times instead of 3 or 4.

Brush your teeth and chew mint gum as soon as you finished eating. When your mouth is fresh and minty, you'll be less tempted to eat again.
The final tip ("nurture yourself") includes a reminder to "blush your checks [sic]." Which may be a typo, but could also very well just be some strange Kelly saying that no one else has ever used in the history of the English language. On the next page, we're introduced to "Kelly's Food Plate." Which other, less sophisticated people typically refer to as the food pyramid. Kelly also takes a brief aside (in a feature box labeled "hot button issue") to expound upon her favorite delicacy, the humble jelly bean:
If you're a fan of the Real Housewives of New York City you probably remember that on Season 3 I took a lot of flack for eating jelly beans and talking about processed and unprocessed foods. I was actually making light of that food snob moment. Who stops at a gas station and asks for carrots? Did you bring your organic food cooler with you on this road trip? The important part is not to be a food snob; but when in doubt choose the best option. Sometimes it's better to be happy than it is to be right. Was I able to make my point? Clearly it wasn’t in the cards at that moment.
This is a truly stunning synthesis of her experience. Underestimate Kelly at your own peril -- this girl has been playing 4D chess for longer than we know.
The chapter continues with some tips from Kelly on how to make the most of your meal planning and shopping experience. And no -- you have no excuses:
There's absolutely no reason why you, wherever you live, can't eat "colorful" foods. All over the country there are "gi-normous" supermarkets where fruit and vegetable aisles are bursting with every color of the rainbow.
I am starting to get a "gi-normous" headache trying to make sense of this chaos. Kelly's advice that we can "mix and match what's there to make a FrenAsian or an ItaloGreek meal" is not helping. We also get some tips for how to grocery shop responsibly:
  1. Always go with a list and never buy more than two items you planned on taking home.
This is incoherent, right? I know I need to wrap up Part 1 of this write-up pretty soon, because I've read this sentence at least two dozen times trying to make some sense of it, and am still at an utter loss. I assume she's left out a negative somewhere, but at this point, I realize I've already thought about this tip for approximately ten times longer than Kelly ever has, so I'll move on.
For the third or fourth time so far this book, Kelly segues into a literal grocery list. To be fair, this is a very effective strategy to take up several pages with minimal text. And what could be more compelling than
Shitake/oyster mushroom combination packs

Dog treats

Lavender pepper
Truly the voice of a generation! Decades from now, English teachers will be teaching their students about a fabled wordsmith who once uttered those eternal words, "shitake/oyster mushroom combination packs." Because this book has absolutely no respect for logical cohesion, we are hurled immediately into a diatribe about how expensive it can be to buy organic -- "I recently walked out of an organic market having paid $400 for just three bags of groceries." As I read on, however, it becomes quickly apparent that Kelly has no idea what the concept of 'organic' even means:
"Organic," in any case, seems like something of a misnomer to me. I know the Food and Drug Administration has regulations for certifying foods organic, but to me, for foods to be truly and totally organic, they would have to be grown in a test tube or a greenhouse with no exposure to the natural elements.
Well, sure Kelly. If that's what you would like to use the word "organic" to mean, be my guest. She tosses us another crumb of helpful guidance, but it only serves to make me feel exceptionally sorry for Kelly's daughters and everything they have to endure:
Plate your food as if it were being served to you in a fine restaurant. Use a fancy foreign accent as you invite everyone to come to the table. Or try saying it in French. My girls love it when I announce, "Le dîner est servi!"
We learn in yet another "HOT tip" that "fast food doesn't have to be fat food," and Kelly tells us for the eighth time that she eats two oranges every morning. In what has already become a recurring theme for me in this book, the following passage makes me desperately curious to know how Kelly thinks science works:
One question people frequently ask me is whether I believe in taking vitamins or supplements, and the answer is "yes, I do," because, even though I know my diet is healthy, I can't be sure that I'm getting all the nutrients I need. All the vitamins and minerals we need can be found naturally in foods, but how do we know, even if we're eating a healthy diet, that we're getting everything we need?
I flip back two pages to confirm that Kelly told us quite recently how important it is to read nutrition labels to know what is in the food we eat (to make sure we avoid foods "whose labels are full of words you can't pronounce"). Exactly how she is reading these nutrition labels yet still manages to have no inkling how anyone could possibly begin to assess their vitamin and mineral intake eludes me. She continues:
I don't want to take that chance. I think of the food I eat as fuel and vitamins as my oil -- my body's engine needs both. Vitamins and supplements are not food replacements, but we're exposed to so many environmental toxins on a daily basis that I believe we need to supplement our diets to counteract all the harm those substances can cause.
I can certainly think of something that is causing harm to my psychological stability at this particular moment, which I should probably take as a sign to wrap things up for today and go read some incredibly dense Victorian prose or something to remind myself what a properly constructed sentence looks like. Promise I won't leave you waiting for long!!
submitted by efa___ to BravoRealHousewives [link] [comments]

What You Need to Know While Selecting an Online Casino

The online casino industry is booming faster than ever and so are the number of aspiring gamblers. Online casinos might sound fun and exciting initially with huge jackpot winnings and a welcome casino bonus. However, you need to consider certain aspects before starting your journey. You should be aware of the legal practices of an online casino ideal, terms and conditions, payment options and many other vital things.
Let us look at some of the important things you need to know about online casinos.
1) Examine the Online Casino Website:
First and the most essential step before starting with online casino is to carefully examine the website.
Check for valid licenses, regional availability of the website, withdrawal limits and important terms and conditions about it.
These are the most vital and basic criteria before selecting a credible casino. Also, consider the ratings and reviews given by existing users about the online casino. This helps you identify, if the site is reliable or not.
2) Know the Laws:
A legal governing body makes certain rules and regulations, which every online casino has to abide by in the respective country.
It is important to check whether activities related to sports betting is legal in your region. If yes, does your casino has a track record of any illegal activities in the past and is presently abiding by all the rules set by the governing body.
Information about legal activities is extremely crucial in order to avoid any fraud or scam in future.
3) A Good Bonus is a Must:
A good welcome casino bonus provides you with the flexibility of free spins and bet amount so that you can analyse the offerings provided by online casino.
These bonus offers are mainly meant to lure new visitors into the game. Certain casinos require you to spend money from your pockets before withdrawing the winnings from bonus offers.
Make sure to read the term and conditions associated with the bonus offers before making any decision.
4) Multiple Payment Options is a Must:
Most of the popular online casinos will allow you to pay using e-wallets, net banking and debit cards. Recently, some of the casinos have also started accepting cryptocurrencies as a payment option.
Every casino has its own period of transferring your winnings to your bank account. It can vary from an hour to few days depending upon your casino provider and your region.
Also, consider your transaction charges associated with your desired payment method, as this is very vital and can affect your earnings.
5) Live Casinos - A Cherry on the Cake:
A live casino along with an online casino is like a cherry on the cake. A live casino includes an online video streaming software through which you can get the feel of a real casino from your home.
Networking and audio-visual interaction make live casino games like blackjack online and roulette online more interesting and appealing for you.
Although the live casino is not an important criterion, but it increases the overall value for you.
6) Online Customer Support Facility:
A good quality customer support should resolve your queries quickly and efficiently. Check the modes of communication through which you can contact the customer support of the online casino. Generally, you can get in touch with them via phone call, chat or email.
Make sure to check the reviews about the customer service of the online casino
Customer support team is extremely crucial in case of server issues while playing online or payment failures.
Today, the internet is flooded with thousands of casino sites and selecting the best online casino ideal might be a daunting task. However, if you keep all these factors in mind, you can avoid common mistakes and make a wise choice.
submitted by Rajeevsh10 to u/Rajeevsh10 [link] [comments]

Thought Process Behind Building a PC. For Beginners, by Beginners.

Disclaimer: I wrote this out of boredom, and to put every knowledge I gathered this last months somewhere for everyone to see. I do not claim any authority nor will take any responsability for whatever you decide to do with this guide. I guarantee that all I wrote, I wrote in good faith. I would really love to be criticized and corrected. Thank you u/buildapc for your help!

Hello fellow /builder! You are probably here to ask for help about your dream pc build. I know I did. For hours. Weeks, actually. I have put together my system about a month ago. Rather than simply sharing my story and showing off my build (I'm not showing because cable management is b a d, ugh), I'd like to give something back to this wonderful community. So here it is, a guide for beginners, in layman terms, without unnecessary technical information.

Fundamentals

In order to even begin to request help for building your pc, first you need to know what your computer is going to be used for! There's 3 orders of information priority:
Primary informations:
If you can't provide these, nobody can really help you, at best they can make educated guesses. These informations relate directly to the parts responsible for your performance: CPU, Graphics Card, RAM, and indirectly to Motherboard.
If you own a monitor, you need to find out its specs either by googling the model name, or in Advanced Display Informations. To find details about your monitor, head to Settings > System > Display and scroll down and click on “Advanced Display Settings”. If you are going to buy a monitor, you should always have resolution and refresh rate in mind when picking one.
Budget and intended purpose are self explanatory!
Secondary informations:
These informations are optional, but might help tailoring your build to your exact needs.
Let's say you like Cities Skylines and are going to play that title 90% of the time. Now whoever is helping you, is going to recommend up to 32 gb ram and a slightly overpowered CPU to handle that. Let's say you want to play e-sports only, you might be able to scale down the project and save something on your budget. It's not an everyday occurrance to find someone who is going to play a couple of titles only, but it's less uncommon than you might think! Knowing this specific piece of information can make a measurable difference.
If your intention is overclocking, then it's a good idea to say so in your build request. Not every piece of hardware can be overclocked, and not every motherboard can support overclocking. Nevertheless, if you need this guide, then I kindly suggest you do not oveclock.
About ambient temperature, it's only really a concern at the high spectrum of the curve, but it might force you to pick a thermal solution.
More on thermal solution later.
Tertiary informations:
These informations are merely cosmetic.
Some people are obsessed by RGB, some are not. If you don't mention your cosmetic preference, nobody is going to care. Function is always over form when building a pc, particularly with a budget in mind.
Most people prefer a brand - I know I do - but most will settle for something else as long as it's better for their needs. If you are a die hard brand loyalist, you should mention that before someone figures out a build for you only to scrap it because you'd rather have a nVidia Graphics Card or Intel instead of AMD CPUs.
It happens mostly when upgrading, but sometimes people want their build to end up in their dream (or old) case. If you are in this position, you should mention that because of space constraints. More on this later.
So, here's an example of a terrible build request:
pls help I need help for a new pc for under 1k, help?
And here's an example of a good build request:
Hello, I own a 1440p/75hz monitor, I want to play AAA titles at ultra and my budget is about 1200€. I prefer AMD, want RGB (unless it's over my budget), and have a mid tower UL7R4 C00L PC case themed red. I also need some advice on water cooling.
Signed: a gentleman and a scholar

Doing your research

Sometimes, you just want to figure out things on your own. Good. Here's what I did, starting with basics.
This is the list of parts directly tied to performance:
This is the list of parts that support your performance:
This is the list of parts that handle your system safety and are indirectly tied to performance
How do you even begin? Let's see first what these parts do.
CPU
The Processor... processes. Want to open a Chrome tab? Process that! Discord in background? A core will take care of that! Preparing a frame for your GPU to render with lights, textures, shadows? That's exactly what your CPU is for.
Explaining how and what a CPU does is over the scope of this guide, so here's what you really need to know: core clock, and core count. And that's it for the most part. These two concepts are interrelated. You could have 64 core to work with at a low core clock and it could handle a ludicrous amount of processes, while unable to handle a single process that takes up to 4 cores but requires from each of them a high core clock. Such is the case with videogames, which mostly work off a limited number of cores and will perform better the faster each used core is. More cores ain't going to help, because the game ain't going to use it unless it is programmed to do so!
Manufacturer usually take care of this for the consumers, by splitting their hardware portfolio in processors for servers and for consumers. AMD server CPUs are called Epyc and have a consumer equivalent (read: from the same generation) called Ryzen. Intel has Xeons for servers and their i3/i5/i7 line up for consumers.
Every generation of CPUs has its own fitting socket. You physically can't put a CPU in a socket that was not designed for that CPU. A CPU socket is a part of motherboards.
If you are going to pick a Ryzen CPU, it is a good idea to check what RAM capacity and clock it works best with. You can find benchmarks online for that.
Some CPUs are integrated with Graphics Card. These are referred to as APUs, and I'm not going to talk about them because I'm uninformed.
Tip: when picking a CPU, check console hardware. I'm not joking. Consoles are meant for gaming and are the common denominator of hardware progress for gaming. PS5 and XBox X are going to have 8 core CPUs, of which 2 are reserved for the system, thus 6 cores for videogames to play with. It's a reasonable expectation that the new standard for CPU core count is going to be 6 in the years to come.
Graphics Card
If you're a gamer, you want to pay close attention when picking a good GPU for your build. The GPU market is not as segmented as CPU market is, and you can easily find benchmarks for each of them at any mainstream resolution tier. Thus, picking a GPU is commonly the first step of your build, because it is directly tied to the resolution and refresh rate of your monitor.
You need not to worry too much about the specs of your GPU. Benchmarks are pretty accurate at predicting their performance, but picking an aftermarket card (sometimes referred to as custom cards) can be tricky. Every Graphic Card design is reinterpreted by different manufacturers, offer different software and bios support, different thermal solutions and features.
Here's some of them:
About I/O shield: this is generally a concern for multi monitor setup, but you should always double check that the graphics card you are buying has the correct port for your monitor, be it HDMI, Display Port, DVI or VGA. Adapters exist, but are unreliable.
AMD and Nvidia have their own V-sync function, which must be supported by the monitor in the first place in order to work. AMD has Free Sync, and most monitors have this. Nvidia has G-Sync, and most monitors do not have this. Good news for Nvidia, though. They finally caved in and added support for Free Sync, but your monitor needs to have both Free Sync and Display Port 1.2 (well, most of them do, and you should always double check that).
Resources:
Motherboard
The motherboard is the lymphatic system of your build. It draws power from the PSU to be carefully administered to your other components. Some people think that cheaping out on Motherboard is a good idea.
To a degree.
As long as your motherboard can handle your CPU power draw, is compatible with your RAM, has enough SATA ports for your storage, has a good number of USB ports and a decent BIOS, it is good to go. Easy right? ...well.
Here's some research you can do on your own:
Motherboard power draw is very hard to investigate, you need to rely on trusted reviewers (such as Buildzoid, Gamer Nexus, Hardware Unboxed) or tier lists on popular forums/sites/reddits.
Note that if you plan to overclock, you must have a good Motherboard.
Tip: the bulk of your work can be done automatically by PCPartPicker system builder. Pick your designated CPU, compatible motherboards will be already filtered. If you pick both CPU and motherboard, RAMs will also be filtered for compatibility.
Resources:
RAM
While PCPartPicker exists, picking a compatible RAM is easy. Picking the right RAM is something else entirely.
First things first: do never, ever, buy a single stick of ram. You want 2 sticks of RAMs, which should be bought in pairs. I can't advice against buying 4 sticks of RAM, but make sure motherboard supports them or do some in depth research because system stability is at stake. Nowadays, 16gb of ram, rated 3200 to 3600 mhz, with a Cas Latency (CL) of 16 is the norm.
Ryzen CPUs are particularly sensitive to RAMs. As a rule of thumb you should get 3000-3200 mhz CL16 rams for Zen+, and 3200-3600 mhz CL16 rams for Zen2. You can get better rams, but there's no guarantee they will be stable if they are terribly overpowered for your Ryzen CPU (a good motherboard and a good overclocker might make anything stable with little compromise nevertheless). Lower latency RAMs usually cost more than higher frequency rams, but will not incur in such issues.
Here's benchmarks for 2 of the most popular CPUs:
Bottleneck
Bottleneck is what happens when in a particular task, one of your component (RAM, CPU or GPU) is at the limit of its performance, while the others aren't. Let's cut to the chase: you can not avoid bottlenecking entirely. Bottleneck is hardware, software and settings dependant. You can not make the perfect match, you can only avoid a bad match.
This is extremely dependant on target resolution and refresh rate. CPU has the same workload at either 1080p or 4k. Meanwhile, a given GPU might give you perfect 144 fps at 1080p, and struggle to reach 75 at 4k. The higher your resolution is, the better your GPU needs to be. Conversely, if you know you are playing at 4k and can push 75 fps at most, CPU might aswell be slightly cheaper, because you ain't ever going to use it to its full extent. With consideration for the target resolution and refresh rate, the rule of thumb is: within a given generation of hardware, same range components will not bottleneck each other (a lot).
Let's say you are playing Cities Skyline at over 100k population. While not much really changed for your GPU, at that point your CPU is probably gasping for watts. Ouch.Let's say you are playing AC:Odyssey. Your GPU is probably working at breakneck pace while your CPU is scheduling her counseling (yup, graphics cards are a she).
The same CPU and the same GPU took turns bottlenecking each other, because the workload for each of them was uneven in each title. This is why if you play only a handful of titles it is a good idea to keep them in mind while you request help or figure out your build.
This is corollary to the previous point. Some specific settings are CPU and/or GPU intensity, and lowering them will make a big difference. This is just here to remind you that you do have some influence over bottleneck, and figuring out a sweet spot where both your CPU and GPU are working close to the same pace is a good idea.
Resources:
You can crosscheck CPU/GPU bottleneck with this site but always keep in mind this is at best a rough estimate that feeds off algorithms, and you should never ever obsess over bottleneck unless you're breaking the rule of thumb (same generation, same tier, with resolution and refresh rate in mind): https://www.gpucheck.com/gpu-benchmark-comparison
Thermal Solutions
Air or water? The answer is: budget.
Air is cheap and reliable, meaning that in the worst case scenario a fan stops spinning and you replace it for 10-15€. Air has diminishing returns, meaning that throwing money at it is only going to help so much performance wise. When buying an air cooler, you need to check for its height to make sure it fits in your case and doesn't touch any other component (mostly happens with RAMs and rarely with Motherboard heat sinks).
Water is expensive, powerful but potentially unsafe. A bad installation, a loose bit, spilled water on a running motherboard, the recipe for disaster. Let's be clear here: water cooling your CPU is a perfectly valid solution (it's the best!), as long as your budget is right. You can't cheap out on a water cooler, because if it breaks or fails it will potentially kill your whole build. If you are going to buy a modest water cooler, my personal recommendation is to go for air instead: you are going to spend less and have literally the same performance. If you can spare more of your budget for water cooling, go ahead. Water cooling has a higher performance ceiling, which means less diminishing returns, which means that as long as you keep throwing money at it, it will get better.
TL;DR: low into mid range Air cooling wins, mid range to high range Water cooling wins.
This is an example of a benchmark between various air and water coolers: https://www.gamersnexus.net/hwreviews/3573-zalman-cnps20x-cpu-cooler-review-benchmark-vs-noctua-nh-d15-others
What do high and low temperatures really mean for your hardware?
Every single piece of hardware is rated for a specific temperature. When it approaches that temperature, the hardware will start thermal throttling until eventually shutting down. You could call throttling underclocking but, at its core, it's a safety measure to prevent irreversible damage to your components. Most pieces of new hardware nowadays also have a "Boost" feature. This feature is effectively a dynamic, factory overclock, meant to push your hardware to its limit while the conditions (read: temperatures) are right. The lower your component temperature, the more it will boost.
Technically speaking, a CPU or a GPU boosting for less while temperatures are high, does not strictly qualify for throttling, but this is merely semantycs. The thing is, that not only your parts are safer, more stable, and will last longer while their temperatures are low. Your parts will also be undeniably faster. A good thermal solution is the safest overclock you can get!
PSU
Your entire build is at the mercy of the reliability of a single component: the PSU. There are standards that you should always look up to when buying a PSU, and the following is written with exactly those standards in mind, and with the intent of teaching you about them.
Before picking a PSU, you first have to figure out the peak power draw of your whole build. This figure is meant to represent how much power your system is going to use under a full synthetic load, while every component is stressed beyond what constitutes normal and even stressful non-synthetic operation. Figuring it out can be tricky and each part has its own caveats. The baseline is always CPU + GPU + a realistic static figure meant to represent the rest of the components. Let's see each of them:
While TDP is a decent baseline, it doesn't exactly refers to the peak power draw. TDP means Thermal Design Power, and it refers to the maximum amount of heat generated in Watts, which might or might not coincide with peak power draw. It's good practice to check for power consumption benchmarks of the CPU you are going to buy, although most of those benchmarks are done with the entire system power consumption figures. The real peak power draw of the CPU under extreme circumstances is rather nebulous. A good bet if you just can't find benchmarks is adding 50% to the TDP to account for synthetic benchmarks, and up to 75% to account for both synthetics and overclock (this figure might not hold up in extreme overclocking). This is a very conservative figure that will most likely cover the vast majority of CPUs. Still, some TDPs are hilariously underrated. I can not stress this enough: you must look for benchmarks for your CPU power draw. Even if you stumble upon a system power consumption, you can use that as a baseline if the build is anywhere near your own.
GPUs peak power draw are much more adherent to their rated TDP, but there's a reliable way to check it out. The Power Limit of every GPU is written in their own BIOS, of which we luckily have a database: https://www.techpowerup.com/vgabios/
Search for Vendor, Brand and Model. Sometimes the entire range of the Power Limit is provided (minimum, stock, and maximum power draw), here's an example: RTX 2060. Sometimes it's just a single entry of Power Limit, and an Adjustment Range somewhere in there for you to figure out the minimum and maximum power draw, here's another example: RX 5600 XT. In this last example, you can read a nondescript "Total" under Power Limit and under Adjustment Range you can read "Power: -50% to +20%". This also gives you an accurate estimate of the extra power draw resulting from a software overclock.
Motherboard, RAMs, storage, fans and fans controllers, RGB, Water Pumps, WiFi, everything draws power, but it might be less than you would expect. Motherboards draw at most 10W, the biggest RAMs barely reach 10W per stick, SSD/M.2/HDD are in the ballpark of 2-5W. The peak power draw of all components of your system, except for CPU and GPU, is at the very most 50W. And that's a conservative figure, meant to account for the impossible case in which you somehow can push every single thing in your system to its limit.
So there it is, add up the power draw from CPU and GPU, then the static figure (50W), and that's your baseline. Well done! Now add about 25% and up to 40% to that figure depending on your anxiety levels, and that's the capacity you need to look for in your PSU. Not convinced? Check for power consumption benchmarks from reputable sources, they list the entire system setup, and then test the power consumption of the whole system at the socket. Even if the entire system is not exactly the same as yours, you can scale things up or down intuitevely researching those components.
Now, let's move onto PSUs.
PSUs have 3 main characteristics:
The rated capacity expressed in Watts refers to the stable point of continuous power delivery. In truth, most PSUs will handle much more power than that, this limit is commonly referred to as Peak or Maximum Power. For example, my PSU is rated at 550W, but benchmarks have shown it's peak power to be over 700W.
Good PSUs are very efficient. 80 Plus has taken it upon themselves to test the efficiency of most of the PSUs ever made. 80 Plus badges range from White (ew) to Titanium (ow). A 80 Plus Bronze is the absolute least I would settle for, but it's not a guarantee that you're buying a good PSU. Gold is a good standard, and most PSU that come with that badge are pretty good.
Quantitative data is not enough, not every PSU is born equal, and they will differ for quality. You can't possibly figure out the quality of a PSU without buying, testing, benching, and taking it apart. Luckily, some people on the internet have already done that for you. Refer to the resources down here to research for a PSU that fits your needs.
Resources:
Revisioned with the unvaluable help of u/GallantGentleman, the conversation took place here.
Case
A case is not merely cosmetic. A good case will support multiple fan configurations, have great cable management, and most importantly will fit all your components. Once you account for all of that, you can pick a case based on your taste. So here's what to consider before you even begin to care about aesthetics.
A few words or airflow. Positive and negative pressure are a measure of how much air is getting in your case versus how much air is getting out of your case. If you push more air out, it's negative pressure. If you push more air in, it's positive pressure.
Based on my own tests and everything I could find on the internet about it, I firmly believe positive air pressure is better than negative air pressure. Not only dust filters are going to keep your case dust free for longer while you have positive pressure, it is also that much better for GPU temps. Negative air pressure is still valid, I simply think it is inferior.

Now Build It!

Let's help the guy who requested help earlier.
Hello, I own a 1440p/75hz monitor, I want to play AAA titles at ultra and my budget is about 1200€. I prefer AMD, want RGB (unless it's over my budget), and have a mid tower UL7R4 C00L PC case themed red. I also need some advice on water cooling.
He wants to play AAA/ultra at 1440p/75hz. Let's assume he lives in Europe. A 2060 Super or a 2070 super will do him good. Let's check benchmarks: https://www.gamersnexus.net/hwreviews/3486-nvidia-rtx-2060-super-and-2070-super-review-benchmarks . Well, the 2060s could keep up with that for the time being, but if there's any budget headroom, a 2070 super would do him better.
Now let's pair his GPU to a decent CPU. He needs to push at least 75 fps in the most demanding games. GPUcheck says R5 3600 will not bottleneck the 2070, which is cool, but gpucheck is good at a sight, you still need to check crossbenchmarks if you can find any, in this case you should look for the difference between 3600+2060s and 3600+2070s at 1440p. Here's something:
2070s + 3600 @ 2k*1440p (ultrawide) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0xdYMInuiA2060s + 3600 @ 1440p https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfc9cXWYtBk
All fine. 2070s can handle 1440p/75hz like a breeze and will max anything you throw at it for the next 2-3 years.
I'll just put the CPU and GPU in PCPartPicker, put a Tomahawk because it works with literally anything, and grab the best rams for a R5 3600 and the most reliable PSU I can find.
https://de.pcpartpicker.com/list/BNfG8M
There, within budget.
Does it even matter that there's no case? I mean you can stretch a bit, right? Right?

Revisioned on 21/07/2020. Some formatting fix, expanded Thermal Solutions, revisioned the entire PSU section with the help of u/GallantGentleman. Thank you all for the support, criticism, advices, and the awards! This guide is now over, and hopefully it will help anyone who stumbles upon it.
submitted by Cozzolino92 to buildapc [link] [comments]

YouTube Copyright & Fair Use Policies - How YouTube Works Asian Handicap in Sports Betting Explained Sports Betting Live Video  CFB NFL Free Picks 9/7/19  9/8/19 TheSportsBoffin 89 - YouTube WagerTalk TV: Sports Picks and Betting Tips - YouTube

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